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Last week, I saw an ad for a luxury travel company. The tag line for the vacations they offer is, “Come back new.”
The promise is if you go on one of their trips, you’ll come back new.
Although I think that’s a bit of an overpromise, there’s only one word they got wrong.
The tag line should have said, “Come back you,” because ultimately that’s what we all want.
That’s why we do diets and write books and start businesses. We believe we are capable of more.
We believe that there is more to us than meets the eye. We believe that life or bad decisions have covered up a piece of us that is vital. Even if parents and friends and bosses don’t believe in us, that small voice that says “What if?” persists.
New Year’s Resolutions are often our attempt to uncover what has lain dormant and hidden for far too long. It’s our attempt to dream and do, which is perfect because there’s something you need to know.
We don’t need you to be new, we need you to be you. The world is currently short one you.
I’m sitting in a hotel room, traveling for some coaching appointments scheduled for tomorrow.
I bet you can’t guess what I did right before writing this?
Is your guess “lifting weights” because I’m huge? I appreciate that, but that’s not what I was doing.
Prior to sitting down to write this short blog post, I was watching clips of the best blind auditions on the show “The Voice.” (Did you know Keith Urban is a judge on the Australian version of the Voice? That felt like he was cheating on American Idol.)
Why was I doing that? Because I needed to get inspired to write.
I spent the day traveling from home to nice southern town in Kentucky…but it was a dreary, grey day and writing is the last thing I wanted to do.
So, I went to one of my standbys for a quick hit of inspiration, Voice auditions.
Is that a little weird? It is.
So is watching the, “How you do you like dem apples” scene in Good Will Hunting.
I do a lot of weird things, but here’s a secret. They work. Getting motivated isn’t a science. It’s an art, a messy art.
On any given day, there are about a billion things that can bring you down.
Arguing about politics.
Your bank account.
That sound your car started making that you pretended was just other cars near you but you can no longer deny it. The list goes on and on. Demotivators, not technically a word which in and of itself bums me out, don’t play fair. Why should we?
So do something weird until you get your hype back.
The truth is, it’s not weird if it works.
I have a friend who is about to walk away from his $100,000+ per year job.
They’re considered a successful leader. They’re team loves them….and they get phenomenal results.
The sense of mission and passion has never waned. There’s no problem being avoided.
Why are they about to call it quits?
He’s burned out. Tired. Completely drained emotionally, mentally – and it’s now affecting his close relationships.
When good people leave, I find that key decision-makers hesitate to ask the hard questions.
Instead, we make excuses vs. making changes that would have sustained good people.
Extracting value from people is often justified because there’s a fear of someone sitting idle, “Rusting Out” so to speak, and not being efficient.
Usually the opposite is the problem….the best and brightest drive themselves so hard they go past the point of no return.
The only cure for sustainability is a restoration of energy: emotionally, mentally and physically.
If you and I truly care, it requires an emphasis on driving health along with driving results.
It’s always about relationships and results. Never “Either/Or” but always “Both/And.”
What can you do to restore your own energy levels?
Einstein said “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.”
Exceptional things can happen with minimal talent.
In culture, we idolize talent, titles and temporary fame….confusing what’s exceptional with ego.
However, I’ve seen exceptional people shine when others’ have dismissed or discounted their potential.
Here are ten that have huge impact on our potential and performance:
- Be on time
- Work Ethic
- Body Language
- Being Teachable
- Doing Extra
- Being Prepared
Real influencers are leaders before others recognize them as a “leader.“
You don’t have to have a higher degree or a large “title” to impact those around you.
The most commented and “liked” tweet I ever sent happened several weeks ago.
Actually, October 8th to be exact.
I was surprised, honestly, of the response on social media including my personal Facebook page.
Here’s what I said: “I’ve decided to never burn bridges. Ever. Even if the other person attempts to pull away, seek to repair it if it’s within your power.”
Now I understand. We’ve all blown up relationships, either personally or professionally.
And, we’ve had others do something (or say something) towards us that completely destroyed the trust required to continue the relationship.
Could be a spouse, a friend, a coworker or a leader in our life.
But Bridges can be rebuilt.
How do you rebuild a bridge you’ve blown up?
And, how do you know when you can trust the other person enough to “rebuild” the bridge?
Here are four questions to ask:
1. Do they keep their word? (and am I willing to keep mine?)
This is where it starts. We have to count on them (and people have to learn that they can count on us) to deliver on promises. If you commit to following up on something, do it. No excuses.
If you can’t do it, proactively let the other person know.
For example, “Terri, last week I told you that I would get back to you with a proposal. However, I am waiting for a bid to come through from an outside vendor. It looks like that might add a week to my schedule.”
People are usually very forgiving if you take the initiative to communicate. However, if they have to chase you down, you lose points. Your reputation will take a hit.
2. Do they tell the truth? (And, am I willing to be honest with them moving forward?)
This is harder than it sounds. Most of us like to think of ourselves as truth-tellers. But it’s easy to round the numbers up, spin the facts, or conveniently leave out the evidence that doesn’t support our position.
But if we are going to build trust, then we have to commit ourselves to telling the truth—even when it is difficult or embarrassing.
People are more forgiving than you think. (Witness all the celebrities who have publicly blown it, apologized, and received a pass.) They don’t expect you to be perfect. However, they do expect you to acknowledge your mistakes and to come clean when you screw up.
3. Are they transparent and authentic? (Am I willing to be real with them first?)
People will not trust you unless you learn to share yourself, warts and all. You have to take a risk and be vulnerable. This creates rapport and rapport builds trust.
However—and be warned!—you can’t use this as a gimic or a technique. If you do, people will see it as manipulation. Instead, you have to be authentic. The reason this builds trust is because you are demonstrating trust. You are taking the initiative to go first.
In essence, you are saying, “Look, I trust you. I am taking off my mask and showing you my true self. Some of it isn’t very pretty. But I am willing to take that risk, believing you will still accept me.”
4. Do they Give without any strings attached? (Am I willing to give first?)
Nothing builds trust like love. What does love have to do with the workplace?
As Tim Sanders points out in Love Is the Killer App, everything. You have to be willing to share your knowledge, your contacts, and your compassion—without expecting anything in return. The more you take the initiative to give, the more it builds trust. Giving lets others know that you know it’s not “all about you.” From this, people learn that they can trust you, because you have their best interests at heart.
Bridges can always be rebuilt.
Granted, in some situations, it can take years.
It takes doing the right things over a long period of time.
But in most cases, it won’t take that long. Relationships can be turned around quickly if both will take the steps needed to rebuild trust.
Some of our Worst Behaviors are fueled By Fear and Insecurity.
However, confidence fueled By Values births Positive Energy and Engagement from others.
- Grudge-holding. Forgiveness requires courage.
- Self-blaming. Insecurity may cause leaders to blame themselves for the delinquency of others. The difference between self-blame and responsibility is corrective action.
- Excuse-making. Insecurity prevents them from holding others accountable to their commitments.
- Attacking and defending. Insecure leaders attack back. Rather than defending their team, they defend themselves.
- Nit-picking. Nit-pickers are unhappy insecure people who never truly celebrate.
- Image-protecting. It’s all about what others think when you’re insecure.
- Fear mongering. The use of fear to motivate is an insecure leader’s method of motivation.
Boldness and Courage:
Bold action springs from either confidence or fear. Strength drives confident leaders. Dread drives the insecure.
8 Ways You Can Demonstrate Courage:
- Invite alternatives when you think you know. Insecurity needs predictability. Contrary to some opinions, confidence isn’t about having all the answers.
- Believe in your ability to learn when you don’t know.
- Exercise emotional steadiness. Stay calm.
- Listen and make decisions.
- Trust people to figure things out. Stay available but make space for others to solve problems. Too much help propagates insecurity.
- Spend time thinking and planning for the future.
- Prepare for contingencies.
- Honor your own mistakes by sharing what you’re learning.
Confident people go further than fearful.
Successful leaders inspire boldness by instilling confidence.
Nothing can replace Connection.
Connecting with friends.
Connecting with family
Connecting with God.
When we stop feeling connection, we slowly shrivel up on the inside.
When we don’t experience authentic connection, people quit. Quit marriages. Quit Friendships.
Quit their leaders and their jobs.
Building connection with others is our lifeline. It’s their lifeline as well.
In my humble opinion, “dis-connection” has become an epidemic: driving people to desperately find incomplete substitutes. Resulting in broken hearts, broken bodies and broken futures.
Yet, re-connecting restores the human heart. And nothing else can do that.
Studies are now showing that addictions and self-destructive choices are often driven by our unmet need of Connection.
No one strategically chooses a life goal to eventually live in depression or addiction (food, sex or drugs) or a deep distrust of others. This is all an attempt to heal the pain caused from dis-connection.
I watched the video below and it floored me. It explains so much about why people slip into addictive patterns to deal with personal pain.
And it presents a whole new perspective on the real cure for the human heart.